Ageism-A Word for the Wise

Old people and children are two of the most vulnerable groups in American society.  Non-whites, the poor, immigrants, LGBTQ+ persons, the disabled, and women are also exceptionally vulnerable. 

While those of us old folks who can afford to live in retirement communities recognize that we are privileged, if we are realistic, we also acknowledge our vulnerability. Though we may not have thought about it in these terms, vulnerability is the very reason we are here, willingly or not. Perhaps, as in my case, physical limitations and loss of energy made it difficult to maintain or live safely in a single-family dwelling. After the loss of a partner or the deaths of many friends of a similar age, social isolation may become a problem. Many are overwhelmed by exhaustion from caring for a spouse who is ill or dying, and they can no longer carry that burden alone. Some struggle with the subtle shift from taking care of their children to needing support and care from them, and they move to a retirement community to make their lives and the children’s more manageable and less stressful.

Some of us feel more vulnerable than others. Some of us may be in complete denial about our vulnerability. 

The elderly are often considered childlike and are treated like children.  Like children, we may have, or may believe we have, little ability to defend ourselves, and so others can easily exploit or take advantage of us.  We are often considered less intelligent than those in the prime of life due to the stereotype of decreasing cognitive abilities, and therefore, are popular targets for scams and theft. If we are retired, we are regarded as unproductive and, therefore, are considered less valuable to society. In a zero-sum culture, we are viewed as a drain on scarce resources. Of course, these negative views of old people may be mitigated somewhat if we are financially secure, famous, have a long list of accomplishments, or have very accomplished grandchildren!

 The above-listed common attitudes toward old people constitute ageism—discrimination against older people because of negative and inaccurate stereotypes. They lump all older people into a homogeneous category, ignoring the wide variety of strengths and weaknesses of seniors.

Still, whether we admit it or not, the older we get, the more defenseless we become.  We may be able to delay some forms of weakness or decline by eating well, exercising, staying mentally and socially active, or by exerting our formidable power of denial. Still, we ultimately succumb to our powerlessness as we look death in the face.

Most of us succumb to our limitations before then, though.  We appreciate the support we pay for when we move to a retirement community.  Most likely, we moved there expecting life to become easier as the services we have been promised, for the hefty fees, are delivered.  We take it for granted that we will be respected. After all, we’ve worked hard, been esteemed for our achievements, planned carefully, made difficult decisions, and gained some wisdom.  We don’t expect to give up agency in our lives. We assume that an institution ostensibly created to foster graceful aging and funded by the savings of old people will understand and accommodate the needs of the aged in all their variety, subtlety, and complexity. Or we don’t think about this at all. Retirement communities, especially those marketed as independent or active living, may be the last places we expect to find ageism.

However, retirement communities are often owned and managed by those who have not yet faced the vulnerability of aging in their own lives.  The law of averages predicts that some will be run by people motivated by greed, hunger for power, personal and professional insecurity, inexperience, grudges, ignorance, and prejudice. Those who oversee retirement communities are sometimes completely unaware of their ageist attitudes, the subtle and not-so-subtle ways in which they disrespect and take advantage of the elderly.

So, a word of caution to the old and the not-so-old.  First, old folks, don’t be naïve.  Keep your eyes and ears open, assume nothing, and continue to exercise your critical thinking. Don’t take it for granted that your increasing limitations render you powerless. Be on the lookout for ageism in the healthcare system, end-of-life support networks, home care agencies, advocacy groups, and even in the place you call home, such as your retirement community or senior housing complex.  And when you identify it, don’t hesitate to call it what it is and to support one another in resisting it.

Also, be on the lookout for ageist attitudes in and among yourselves.  Statements like “I’m having a senior moment” may seem harmless and may ease an embarrassing situation, but they contribute to the incorrect characterization of all seniors as forgetful and incompetent. Some of us use the mythic forgetfulness of old age as an excuse for our lifelong laziness and carelessness in remembering names. I could be one of those!

Finally, those of you who are not yet old.  Surprise!  You will be one day!  You, too, will be limited and vulnerable.  You will require some degree of support, however minimal. If you foster a culture of disrespect for the elderly now, you will be a victim of that culture yourself one day.  Crass as it may sound, what goes around really does come around.